The Monkey King Is Coming To Town

The Monkey King comes to town tomorrow, and I actually have tickets. Why? That's a good question. It all began with an email I received this past Monday where the sender was lamenting the fact that no tickets were to be found for Bush's one-act play "Town Hall Meeting on Social Security".

There's nothing I like more than a good challenge, and so I immediately set out to find some tickets. At least I was going to give it a good try.

I first called the Republican Headquarters. "No tickets here", I was told. All tickets were being dispensed through Rep. Anne Northup's (R-KY) office. So I called Northup's office. There I was told that there were no more tickets, period, and in fact, this particular volunteer said she was receiving phone calls at home all weekend.

Receiving phone calls at home? Hmm. Myself not being privvy to this person's home phone number, I "innocently" said that I presumed that tickets would be made available to ALL constituents and not just Republicans. After a slight hesitation, the woman agreed that that was true, of course. So I reminded her that I didn't know her home phone number, and where could I get tickets, or at least, could I get on a waiting list. I think she just pretended to take my name and phone number - you know how you can tell when people "pretend" they're writing down the information, but you know they can't possibly write that fast, especially when you have a name that EVERYONE asks you to spell....but they don't?

So, I called the Republican HQ back after that, just to say that it sounded like only certain people were going to get tickets, and apparently many of these were people who happened to know the home phone numbers of Republican workers. This woman literally tripped over herself trying to assure me that there were only a certain number of tickets available for the entire State, etc., etc., etc.

Fine. But I was still left with no tickets. So I then did what every red-blooded American with internet access does - I googled the event. And lo and behold, I came up with a newspaper article that said that not only would Rep. Northup's office have tickets, but Republican Headquarters and Sen. Mitch McConnell's (R-KY) office would as well. Hmm.

I had specifically asked both Northup's office and Republican HQ if McConnell's office would have tickets, and was told "no" both times. I was specifically told that Northup and a woman in her office personally "spearheaded" this event. That made sense, in a way, because Bush actually came here to stump for Northup this past fall during her election campaign - as well as his own - even if he did mispronounce her name as Northrup instead of Northup. Could we expect anything else?

Anyway, it took about a split second to figure that McConnell, being a pretty powerful Senator and married to the Secretary of Labor, to boot, just might have tickets. So I called. Lo and behold, a very nice lady told me that yes, they would have some tickets, but she didn't know how many or when they would get them, but what was my name and phone number and how many did I want?

How many did I want? I wasn't prepared for that, and for some reason "four" just popped into my head and out of my mouth. "Four", she asked? Thinking that was too many, I said, "If I can get them, but I'll take two, or even one if that's all I can get." "Just give me a number", she said, and so I said, "Four".

Mind you, I didn't have four people in mind, but I thought I could find at least three other people that would be interested in hearing what Bush had to say about the Social Security (non-) Crisis. Truthfully, the thought of just being in the same room with someone who I believe could quite possibly be the anti-Christ turns my stomach, but I am very curious by nature, and I really want to see how he spins this. I may even write a freelance article, who knows. I want to see if progressives can actually get their questions asked, and how Bush and his SS handle people who might disagree with him. Above all, I want to see how the media reports the whole shabang.

Of all the Presidents in my lifetime, who would have ever thought that it would be the one I despise the most (so far) that would be I would get to "see". Life is full of ironies, and this is a biggie.

Imagine my surprise when I received a phone call from Sen. McConnell's office this morning to tell me that my tickets were there - all four of them! I immediately called a friend of mine, who jumped at the chance to go, and figured I'd give the other two away. (I later received a phone call from my friend saying she had gone home from work sick with the flu, and won't be going - so I ended up with three extra tickets instead of two).

As it turns out, tickets to this event have been harder to give away than I ever would have thought. NO ONE, and I mean, NO ONE, wanted tickets! As it turns out, there will, of course, be a rally to protest Bush's anti-Social Security stand, and most people would rather attend that than actually be on the inside....

As if they'll get within 3 blocks. They actually think they might be able to march right up to the venue and protest, but if this is anything like Bush's other appearances, they'll be lucky if they're even in the same time zone. I say this because I've attended many rallies since 2000, and this is the MO.

But, unless I'm on the FBI's short list, I'll be on the inside, where I plan to do NO civil disobedience, unlike some people I know who also have tickets, who shall remain nameless.....

I don't feel like being arrested by the Secret Service and going to jail. Call me wimpy, I don't care. I will be a witness, but tomorrow I am not going to engage in civil disobedience on the inside. But I will KNOW. I will be able to observe first-hand what goes on in these meetings, how biased or not they are, etc. And I will also know how the media in my town report - and just how biased or not, truthful or not, they are. And to me, that's worth having to sit there listening to him tell one lie after another with that smirky, chimpy, shit-eating grin on his arrogant face.

I want to get in early to get a good seat, but I don't want to shake his hand, so I hope he doesn't offer it. He might have cooties. Or worse.

I just had an awful thought. What if they somehow practice some kind of mind control and we all come out Republicans! Agghh!

To protect myself, I've come up with a list: Don't shake his hand; don't drink the water; don't eat any food if offered; don't look anyone directly in the eyes; and don't breathe the air. Okay, that last one might be a little hard to do, but I'll just try not to breathe too deeply....

I'll let you know what happens.